


Mystery in the Mystery Shack

by arka_r



Category: Gravity Falls
Genre: Alternate Universe, Gen, Inverse Relativity Falls Au, Jewish Pines Family, Relativity Falls AU
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-12-05
Updated: 2015-12-14
Packaged: 2018-05-05 01:28:24
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 8,178
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5355848
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/arka_r/pseuds/arka_r
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Summer 2012, Stanley and Stanford Pines are staying at their Great Uncle Dipper’s place. This should be one nice relaxing summer away from their folks... right? </p><p>But of course their lives all turn upside down after Stanley finds a mysterious scrapbook in the woods. This is probably 78% Stanford’s fault.</p><p>My take to Inverse Relativity AU. Might not fit 'canon' AU.</p><p>Inverse Relativity AU credits to: <a href="http://thesnadger.tumblr.com">thesnadger</a>, <a href="http://llttledipper.tumblr.com">llttledipper</a>, and <a href="http://australet789.tumblr.com">australet789</a></p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Gnome Punching Is A Perfectly Good Workout

**Author's Note:**

> smashes through long hiatus and pulls new wip out of my butt, because i just need to write this au when i saw it on tumblr
> 
> title is from deciphered code from Not What He Seems eps "Thirty years and now he's back, the mystery in the Mystery Shack"
> 
> because i'm terrible at giving titles, that's why

The Speedy Beaver bus pulled into a final stop. Stanley wiped crumbs of their Ma’s pie from his lap before reaching to his bags. Next to him, his twin, Stanford, closed the book he was reading before doing the same.

 

“I swear you're such a weirdo. Normal people will get carsick reading book in a moving vehicle", Stan nudged at his brother's shoulder.

 

“Heh. What can I say? It's talent”, Ford playfully shoved Stan back. They almost got into a brawl when a grumpy old lady behind them was giving them the Ultimate Old People Glare. Stan and Ford quickly scurried away from her impending wrath and got off the bus.

 

Gravity Falls looked like something out of a postcard. Pine trees upon pine trees were surrounding the small lumberjack town. From the bus depot, they could see twin mountains arched over the horizon like a pair of welcoming gates. The air smelled like gas and engine oil, but Stan swore he could also detect a hint of pine woods scent.

 

When Stan and Ford were planning for their summer break, this wasn't exactly what they imagined. But their Pa insisted them going to spend the whole summer in a distant relative’s place to ‘build their character’. What their Pa said was law, so that was that.

 

There was also the fact that their parents might have a liiiiiiitle bit of a problem and they didn't want the kids to find out whether they were going to fix it or break it. Stan might not be the smart twin, but he could sense that their Ma and Pa had been quite… distant to each other. It frightened Stan a lot that his family was on the verge of breaking apart and if they did go separate ways, they would take a twin each. The prospect of being separated from Ford was utterly terrifying he sometimes had nightmares over it, and he didn't exactly have anyone to spill his heart out about this, mostly because Ford was a genius about anything except for human relationship. Thusly, Stan was fairly certain his twin didn't know anything about this.

 

In his twin's defense, Ford was way over the cloud nine when they found out they were going to spend the whole summer in this remote place. Apparently it was a place with higher concentration of weird things happening and while Stan didn't understand most of the big science words his twin were spouting a hundred miles an hour, he knew that it was important for Ford. He didn't want to douse Ford's excitement over this stupid adult matter that Stan wasn't supposed to know anyway.

 

His musing was broken off by Ford whispering next to him and his hand slipping easily into Stan's. “Don't look up, but I think a weird old man is waving at us."

 

Stan just couldn't not look up--how could he, when Ford worded it that way? So he looked up and saw a really old man, quite possibly in his second century, was indeed waving at their general direction.

 

Stan distractedly waved back.

 

“What are you doing?! Oh no, he's coming over here", Ford hissed.

 

The old man stopped in front of them. He had white-greyish hair and wore a set of dark blue suit that looked older than the twins. A little golden pine tree was stitched on his right chest. He had the widest smile Stan had ever seen, as if he just won a lottery. Stan had never won any lotteries, but if he did, he would be smiling like that. The man was scrutinizing them, his cataract-ridden eyes squinting.

 

“Lemme guess. Stanford", the man pointed at Stan, then pointed at Ford next. “And Stanley.”

 

“Boo. Wrong", Stan giggled. He pulled up his hand that was still holding Ford's hand for the man to see, despite Ford's weak protests. “Ford, six fingers. Stan, five fingers.”

 

“Ha. That's great! Wanna see something even better?” the man asked. Stan nodded furiously. Was this man a traveling magician? Was he going to show them his magic tricks?

 

But the man simply pulled his bangs back, revealing a reddish spots on his forehead, each one connected with a thin line. It looked vaguely like…

 

“The Big Dipper", Ford whispered, entranced. Then, his twin blinked. “Wait a minute, you're our Great Uncle Dipper!”

 

“Heh, figures you kids don't remember me. Last time I saw you, you were this small", Great Uncle Dipper placed a hand next to his knee. “And call me Grunkle Dipper, okay? It's shorter and time is money.”

 

Heh. Stan liked this guy already.

 

“Okay, Grunkle Dipper!” Stan and Ford said in perfect unison.

 

“Yeesh, you guys stop that twin thingy", Grunkle Dipper grumbled, but there was no real bite in his voice.

 

Grunkle Dipper then showed them to his car, a ratty looking old-timey van with a missing side mirror. It probably used to be white and bright purple but now it looked more like fifty shades of grey, the paint peeled off in several places. They all piled in the front seat with Ford sitting between Stan and the door and the gear stick poking on Stan's butt.

 

Grunkle Dipper drove thirty miles an hour and Stan was sure it probably would take ten minutes drive from the bus depot to his house under normal speed. Alas, it took them forty. Stupid old man driving. However, once they pulled into a stop, Stan was too distracted by the house standing before them to grumble.

 

It was, simply put, fantastic. The old wooden cabin was on its last leg, but somehow it still stubbornly stood like a sore eye between the gigantic pine trees surrounding it. The big Mystery Shack sign was battered by weather and age, and some parts of the roof was overtaken by ivy. Some kind of bird of prey had claimed the chimney as its nest and Stan could see it hawking over them with its sharp eyes as they piled out of the van.

 

There were three entrance, as far as Stan could tell. Two of them had signs hanging sadly over them, one leading to the gift shop and the other to the museum. The last one was signless, but it led to the private area of the Shack. This was where their grunkle was leading them to.

 

“Why is it called the Mystery Shack? Do you have real mystery exhibits? Did you find them in the woods? Did you catch them yourself? What's the chance of me finding something supernatural in the woods?” Ford fired off a hundred questions per second as they were dragging their bags up the dangerously creaky stairs.

 

Their grunkle had decided that their room was up in the attic. Stan was mildly impressed that his twin didn't even gasp for breath while Stan felt like he needed a new set of lungs. But then again, he offered to carry two of Ford's bags while carrying his own three bags.

 

“Yeesh, you sure ask lotsa questions. Is this normal?” Grunkle Dipper raised his bushy eyebrows at Stan, who was still clutching his stomach trying to regain his breath.

 

“It's absolutely normal…” Stan managed to gasp out. Ford simply rolled his eyes.

 

Their room was right across their grunkle’s bedroom. It probably used to be some sort of storage room with weird knick-knacks overflowing everywhere. At least their grunkle made some attempt to make the place at least livable, though shoving everything to one side of the room certainly didn't count as cleaning it.

 

“Is that a dinosaur skull?” Ford pointed at an object at the base of the avalanche.

 

“Nah, just plaster shaped like dinosaur skull. I used to use it as side table before it broke”, their grunkle waved his hand and left them alone to unpack.

 

A bunk bed was shoved to one side of the wall. The bed sheets were plain dulled blue and Stan wondered if there was anything the Shack that wasn't dulled by age. The pillows looked like they lost at least half of their filings.

 

“I claim the top bunk!” both Stan and Ford exclaimed, but Ford was faster climbing the bunk bed like an overgrown monkey, promptly claiming his birthright by planting his ugly butt on the top bunk.

 

“Hey, not fair!” Stan pouted.

 

“Heh, what can I say, Bro-bro. Top bunk’s for the alpha twin", Ford hooked his thumbs to himself, grinning like an ass he was. “How’s the weather down there, Little Brother?”

 

Stan huffed at the lifelong insult, crossing his arms in front of his chest. “Just you wait until I have my growth spurt. I'm gonna be bigger than you!”

 

“Whaaaat? I can't hear you from above here!” Ford placed his hands by his ears, then bursting into laughter.

 

Before Stan could retaliate, they heard their grunkle calling them from downstairs. “Kids, come down! I've got people to introduce!”

 

Stan raised an eyebrow and Ford simply shrugged wordlessly. They both raced down the stairs and into the gift shop. Their Grunkle Dipper was standing by the counter with two teenagers on each sides. One was a plumpy girl looked like in her late teen years and the other was a scrawny boy probably a few years older than the twins.

 

“Kids, these are Susie and Fidds. They work here. Part timers", Grunkle Dipper introduced them. “Susie, Fidds, these are my great nephews, Stanley and Stanford.”

 

“Aww, they're so cute, Mr. Pines!” Susie cooed, immediately bending down to their level.

 

 _Oh boy, here it comes_ , Stan shared exasperated look with his twin.

 

“You have bigger ears!” Susie pointed at Stan, who then tugged at his ears self-consciously.

 

“Actually, we're identical, so technically we look exactly the same", Ford stepped forward with shy smile, his hand moving to fix his glasses. The movement draw the attention from the non-family in the room. Out of reflex, Stan balled his fists, ready to pounce at the slightest provocation.

 

“Amazing. I've never seen a fully formed postaxial polydactily before", Fidds bent down and examined Ford's hand. “Not that I saw much. Heh, after all I only read about it in blogs like Creepypasta and Sixpenceee”

 

“You know what it is?” Ford sounded amazed and with that cue, Stan relaxed slightly.

 

“Uh, yeah? It’s pretty interesting, but hey. Welcome to Gravity Falls, lil fellas. Even with those special fingers, y'all aren't the weirdest thing in this town”, Fidds stood up straight and winked at them.

 

“Uh…” Stan met Ford's eyes in confusion.

 

“Alright, you two. Get back to work!” Grunkle Dipper barked suddenly, causing them all to jump off their feet.

 

“Yessir, yessir”, Susie scurried to the cash register while Fidds bolted to where the innards of an ice cream freezer were spilling everywhere on the floor. Stan and Ford giggled at their antics, before their grunkle waved some wooden signs in front of them. “Alright, I need someone to hang these signs on the woods. Who wants to volunteer?”

 

“Not it!” Stan and Ford said at the same time.

 

“Also not it!” Susie winked lazily from the register.

 

“Nobody asks you, Wentworth", Dipper rubbed his eyes behind his glasses. Without warning, he shoved the signs to Stan and Ford. “Alright you two settle it between yourselves. Now go, shoo!”

 

“Rock-scissors-paper. Three wins, loser hangs the signs", Stan challenged.

 

“You're on!” Ford’s smirk was downright evil.

 

Three devastating losses later, Stan was trudging through the uneven forest ground, being eaten alive by the mosquitos. In hindsight, he should've worn lotion, but he swore those mosquitos weren't _normal!_ They bit through his sweater and even his jeans.

 

“Stupid mosquito. Stupid Grunkle Dipper. Stupid Fordsy”, he grumbled, his hand swatting a swarm of mosquitos around his head. They started following him stubbornly when he was nailing the first sign and refused to leave him alone. His voice then rose a pitch, mimicking a stupid rendition of his twin's annoying voice. “ _‘Oh I'm Stanford, I'm the alpha twin and I'm so smart I never lose in rock-scissors-paper.’_ I'll scissor your rock-- _whoa!_ ”

 

He didn't notice where he walked, and naturally as a result, he tripped over… something. Something rocky… Whoa, was that a secret hidden space?

 

Mysteries and adventures were Ford's stuff, but it didn't mean that Stan didn't have his own natural curiosity. Stan crouched down and reached into the hidden crevice. Bugs and stuff crawled out when his hand poked into their nests. Soon enough, his hand felt something… something soft and square shaped. He pulled it and found a book wrapped in layers of flowery fabrics.

 

The book had some loose papers stuck out of it. The cover was dull purple and it was bound with rusty metallic rings. The papers inside were yellowed from age and a huge tear was right on the first page, where the author's name was supposed to be scribbled. When Stan opened the book, dust puffed from the paper, causing him to sneeze.

 

“What is all this…?” he wondered.

 

The pages had sketches of lines and circles that didn't make any sense. Countless of blurry photos were slipped in between. The author's handwriting was neat with lots of loopy thingy, like old timey scrawl. One page was unlike the others--it didn't have the line and circle drawings, but fully written in this loopy scrawl.

 

“ _‘I was right, he tricked me. He told me the machine when fully functional could bring eternal peace to the world, but I found what a pack of lies it was. I split the instructions into several parts and hid them away so no one will ever build it. Remember, in Gravity Falls, no one you can trust except for your family…’_ ” Stan read out loud.

 

So apparently it was an instruction… to build something. Or at least, one part of it. The loose papers looked like maps, but the words didn't make any sense and the lines looked disconnected to each other. Well, whatever… Stan wasn't smart enough to solve all this codes and ciphers tchatchke. Maybe he really should show this to Ford after he was done bragging. His twin was so going to regret not to nail the signs for their grunkle!

 

But Ford wasn't in the Shack when Stan got back. He wasn't in their room in the attic and he wasn't in the TV room either. Stan was going to ask Grunkle Dipper if he saw where did his nerd of a brother go, but the old man was totally not helping, too distracted he was with a gaggle of tourists he was entertaining (something about Sascrotch??).

 

“What's with the sour face, lil fella?”

 

Stan nearly jumped off his skin at the question, but calmed down when he saw Fidds changing the lightbulb in the den.

 

“Sorry, Stan. Didn't mean to give ya scare", the older teen gave him a warm chuckle.

 

“I'm looking for my brother but I can't find him anywhere", Stan told Fidds.

 

“Hmm, I seem to recall seeing yer brother followin’ yer uncle around but then he walked off. I don't know where he is but my bet he goes off to the forest”, Fidds replied, rubbing his jaw contemplatively.

 

Of course he did, Stan smacked his forehead and cursed his brother's curiosity. “Thanks, Fidds. I guess I'm gonna find my dumb genius of a brother before he gets eaten by a bear or something.”

 

Stan was about to leave when Fidds stopped him, his fingers closing around Stan's upper arm. “Now wait a minute. You seem to have new scars on yer knees. Let's get them a-lookin before you run off, shall we?”

 

And that was how Stan spent the next ten painful minutes where Fidds was lecturing him about the horrible result to infected wound while brushing smelly antiseptic to his knees. Stan guessed he probably got them from his tumble in the woods, but they couldn't be that bad because he didn't even feel any pain!

 

In the end, Stan sat on the back porch, munching toffee peanuts from the vending machine, with the mysterious book securely tucked inside his sweater.

 

One bag of toffee peanuts later, Ford appeared from the treeline and Stan was ready to give his twin a good chewing if it wasn't for the fact that Ford looked so terrified running from… something…? Stan squinted his eyes and found that the thing chasing his twin was a tiny man with tiny red pointy hat and beard… and there were dozens more behind the first one.

 

“Ford!” Stan yelled, rushing to save his distressed twin, right when one of those tiny men launched itself to Ford's direction. Without thinking twice, Stan swung his fist, yelling, “Left hook!”

 

His punch sent the tiny man flying and it (he?) landed on the ground, promptly puking rainbow and glitters.

 

“Yikes. What are these things?!” Stan grimaced, but swung another punch when more tiny men crowded all around them, their pointy teeth bared.

 

“Gnomes! They're real, Stan! I've found them in the woods!” Ford, despite numerous bite marks and scratches on his everywhere, was grinning like maniac.

 

“And they're attacking you why?!” Stan asked, punting another gnome in the face.

 

“Ah, um. Apparently they don't like when I tried to remove their hat…?”

 

“You did _what?!_ ” Stan shrieked, almost flabbergasted. At least Ford looked sheepish because Stan was sure if he wasn't, Stan would punch his twin next. “Argh, this'll take forever! Let's go back to the Shack!”

 

They broke into run toward the Shack, which was thankfully only a few feet away. They launched themselves into the gift shop and shut the door quickly. They could still hear the gnomes yelling and cursing in words that would make their Ma wash their little mouths with soap if she was here, tiny supernatural creatures or not. Somehow the gnomes couldn’t enter the Shack, but that was another mystery for another time.

 

“That was…” Ford gasped for breath. The twins were slumping on the floor, their backs holding the door shut.

 

“Yeah…” Stan was still trying (and failing) to process that apparently the supernatural was real and it wanted to kill them.

 

“You punched gnomes in the face!” Ford's giggles were almost hysterical. Stan laughed with his twin.

 

“Heh, yeah, I did”, he said, raising a hand to his twin. “High six?”

 

“High six", Ford clapped Stan's hand with his own six fingered one.

 

The day ended somewhat anticlimatically and Stan felt like he was missing the punchline. Dinner was with sad, overcooked canned beans and ground meat that lacked any seasonings, but the twins were too worn out to care. Soon they climbed up into their room in the attic and changed for bed.

 

Stan and Ford settled on the top bunk. Ford had his red leatherbound journal he brought from home. It was a gift from Stan for their last birthday and Stan was actually pretty proud that his twin loved his gift to the point he would bring it with him everywhere. It was filled with their dumb adventures back home, stories about caves on the beach or treasures they found washed ashore. Now, Ford was writing about the gnomes, already sketching one of those little creepers.

 

“Ford…?” Stan asked hesitantly, his fingers was fiddling with the edges of his sleeves.

 

“Hmm…?” Ford was still sketching, his face scrunched up in concentration.

 

“Can I tell ya somethin’?”

 

That actually caught Ford's interest. He looked up from his journal. “What is it, Stan?”

 

Stan pulled out the tattered scrapbook from behind his back and laid it over the bed. “See… I found this creepy book in the woods when hanging the signs. It’s filled with sketches and diagrams and blurry photos of something like a machine or whatever and it also has something that probably looks like map…? It's super scary spooky an’ I thought you’re gonna like it.”

 

Ford was already flipping the pages, his fingers carefully skimming over the yellowed papers.

 

“This is amazing, Stan!” Ford grinned. “See, I concluded that lots of weird things accumulated in this part of the world and… well, my encounter with the gnomes kind of proved that I was right. This town has hidden mysteries, and this book might give us clues.”

 

“So… we're gonna go mystery hunting together, right?” Stan asked tentatively.

 

“Of course, Stan. You saved me back there. If we're gonna go mystery hunting, I'm gonna need your punch", Ford punched Stan's shoulder lightly.

 

“Heh, cuz I got the punch and you got the brains", Stan chuckled.

 

“I wonder who wrote this, though, and why did he hide it in the woods…” Ford flipped the pages.

 

“Or maybe he's a she, yanno, since I found it wrapped in flowery fabrics”, Stan shrugged.

 

“Pfft, yeah right. Just because it's wrapped in flowery fabrics doesn't mean it's a woman thing”, Ford rolled his eyes. “Go to sleep, Dorkus.”

 

“You're not gonna sleep?” Stan asked, already climbing down the bunk bed.

 

“Mm-hm, in a sec…” Ford was already picking up his journal and resumed his writing.

 

“Well, don't stay up late, Nerdlord”, Stan reminded his twin. He settled in the bottom bed.

  
This was going to be one hell of a summer, Stan thought. And maybe solving mysteries and whatever was just the thing he needed to forget the chaos back home.


	2. The Woman in the Woods

 Apparently, the gnomes weren't the only thing hiding in the woods, Stanley realized belatedly as they were running from a giant robot.

 

Since Stan was a pessimist by nature, his thoughts usually made up the worst scenario. He should've _known_ this would happen. Ford was the one between the two of them who saw the world with bright-eyed wonders and curiosity. Their Zaidie Tyrone said it ran in the family. Stan, though, thought that even if it was genetic, it had to be _not_ a dominant trait because their Ma and Grunkle Dipper clearly didn't have it either. And don't get him started with Pa. If scepticism had a physical embodiment, Filbrick Pines would be it.

 

Ford’s curiosity would kill them one of these days, Stan was sure. Hence, this was at least seventy-eight percent Ford's fault.

 

This whole mess started with their grunkle making an announcement over breakfast (more canned beef and beans, yuck), so in Stan's mind, this was also their grunkle’s fault. In a way.

 

It was Wednesday and the Mystery Shack was closed for the day. Between the crazy summer rush, their grunkle had told them, it was one of the rare moments where he got a day off to himself. Thus, the idea of Pines Family Bonding Time was born and their grunkle had an… unusual idea about what it should be.

 

“Say _what?!_ ” Stan and Ford cried out.

 

“Yeesh, don't be so overdramatic. I told you kids, today we're gonna make counterfeit money! Y’know, breaking rules. The perfect bonding time”, Grunkle Dipper grinned from ear to ear as if he was talking about bringing his niblings to family fishing trip instead. “Kids still love breaking rules, right?”

 

“Uh… Grunkle Dipper, I dunno if you know this, but breaking your parents’ rules is sorta different from breaking, y’know, actual state law or whatever”, Ford wrung his hands nervously. “ _Way_ different.”

 

“State law, schmate law. Now let's get your butts to the boiler room. It's safer in there. It's got secret hidden door!” And with that, their grunkle left the kitchen.

 

“Stan, what are we gonna do? I don't wanna get in jail, I'm not even teenager yet!” Ford’s voice rose into high pitched shrill.

 

“You and me both, Bro”, Stan crossed his arms and tapped his pursed lips with his fingers. A metaphorical lightbulb turned on in his head. “Let's do that monster hunting thingy!”

 

“Wait, now?” his twin looked taken aback. “Are you serious?”

 

“Mighty serious!” Stan nodded gravely. “Think about it, Poindexter, which one you rather want to do: spending a whole day cooped up in the boiler room making counterfeit money with our smelly gross grunkle and possibly get caught and thrown in the county jail or going into the woods and possibly find find more supernatural creature to fill that nerdy journal of yours?”

 

Ford’s grin matched his.

 

They were out of the back door before their grunkle could stop them. From the treeline, he could hear Grunkle Dipper shouting something they couldn't make out what. Probably one of those ridiculous fake swear words. They laughed all the way into the woods, only stopping to roll in the grass laughing their butts off once they couldn't see the Shack no more.

 

“Alright, let's do this seriously”, Ford said once they calmed themselves down. “This is a serious monster hunting mission. We’re going to find a supernatural creature and document it scientifically.”

 

“Mission understood! Serious Stan, activate!” Stan puffed his cheeks.

 

“Be serious!” Ford laughed again, punching Stan lightly on the shoulder.

 

“I _am_ serious. Can't you see my serious face?” Stan pointed at his own scrunched up face, cheeks still puffing while he talked. Ford apparently decided to ignore him.

 

“To do that we need several equipments”, he reached into his jacket and pulled out a notebook and a pencil. “Notebook and pencil to document our findings, check. Do we have a camera?”

 

“Does phone camera count?” Stan waved his own old smartphone.

 

Their Pa didn't want them owning smartphones because in his own opinion, it made them spoiled rotten. After the incident with a barrel of googly eyes and a tank of industrial grade glitter, he changed his mind and decided that apparently the twins needed their own phone so he could contact them, just so the same awkward situation wouldn’t be repeated in the future. In the end, they get a smartphone each. Granted, they were the older models, but yeah.

 

“Phone camera counts”, Ford nodded. “Camera, check.”

 

Stan rustled his own pockets, not wanting to lose to his twin, and found an opened bag of gummy koalas from the vending machine in the gift shop. “Gummy koalas, check!”

 

“Ew, why would you eat that? They're gross!” Ford made an exaggerated grimace. Stan gasped and placed a hand in his chest.

 

“I know! It's like an affront against the truest and the gummiest of gummies, the gummy bears!”

 

They joked and bantered as they were walking deeper into the forest. To be honest, Stanley was quite curious about this so called enchanted part of the forest that Ford told him about, and since his twin was so excited about it, it made Stan excited too.

 

It was actually pretty nice in the forest. The trees were sparse enough to let sunlight reach the forest floor and there were all sorts of plants that Stan had never seen before were all around him; flowers and berry bushes and mushrooms. Still, it didn't shake the feeling that somehow they were being watched, and he felt it right since they stepped into the treeline. When he turned his back, he found nothing behind them and the feeling disappeared only to make appearance minutes later.

 

Either Stanford was way too dense to feel it or he was ignoring it in the name of science, his twin kept on walking further into the woods while rambling about fairies. Stan probably should listened to what his twin was saying, but he was too hyper-alert to their surrounding on case anything in there decided to snack on two unsuspecting children.

 

“--so when I reached this glen, I found a colony of fairies! Fairies, Stanley!” Ford gushed.

 

They were crossing a log bridge over a creek, the water gurgling as it passed its rocky surface, when Ford squealed all by sudden, nearly causing Stan to slip off the bridge. The log bridge was quite slippery with mosses and fungi and Ford didn’t help at all.

 

“OH MY GOSH WHAT IS THAT?!” his twin pointed at the creek. Stan turned and saw small animals, probably the size of rabbits. They had long ears like rabbits but flattened tails like beavers, and their dark, ugly brown furs were slick.

 

“Are those… beavers? Rabbits? Beaverabbits?” Ford wondered out loud, stars in his eyes.

 

Stan pursed his lips, humming. “Beavunnies?”

 

Ford gave him a long look before nodding.

 

“Beavunnies sounds cute", his twin said, pulling out a small notebook from inside is denim jacket and began scribbling furiously.

 

Sensing that this might take awhile, Stan plopped down on the log bridge, his legs swinging back and forth. It wasn't a bad place to stop. There was plenty shade above them, sunlight filtered through the dense pine trees. The water sparkled under his feet, as if begging to be swimmed.

 

Stan always loved water--he couldn't _not_ to be. He and Ford grew up in Glass Shard Beach, New Jersey, in the embrace of the Atlantic Ocean. Stan read somewhere, about how the sea was like a ruthless queen, and he had to agree at how terrifying her wrath was like during stormy seasons. But the morning after, once the clouds cleared and the waves calmed down, Stan couldn't help but feel like she was a loving mother, apologizing for her behavior and calling her children to come back home, and Stan would fall in love all over again.

 

When Ford would rather spend hours being cooped up at home, Stan loved to play at the beach until his skin turned copper. His Ma liked to call him her sun-kissed baby, even once he was too old to be called a baby (which his Ma would counter with how he and Ford would be forever her babies, much to the twins’ embarrassment and his Pa’s grudging disapproval).

 

Thinking about their parents reminded him again about the reason why they were stuck in this stupid faraway place, filling his mouth with bitter taste and his mind with unpleasant thoughts. He didn’t like it, at all. This could be the last summer he spent together with Ford and he didn’t want to feel all gloom-n’-doom. He wanted to make this the best summer, the Ultimate Summer, that Ford would remember forever. Surely they wouldn’t be separated forever… right? At least when they were gonna meet again, they would still have fond memories together.

 

Yep, he decided. He was going to make this summer unforgettable for Ford. Even if it meant he had to help Ford with his monster hunting thingy, he would do it whatever it took.

 

Stan stood up and began pulling off his sweater and shirt.

 

“What are you doing?” Ford apparently noticed his movement and he looked surprised.

 

“I'm gonna catch one of those beavunnies”, Stan replied firmly.

 

“What?! You can't do that! They might run away and I haven't even took a picture!”

 

“That's why I'm gonna catch it for you, I'm faster than you”, Stan argued. “Won't it be better for your sciency notes if you see one up close?”

 

“Yeah, well… I thought I was gonna observe their behavior first… but I see your point”, Ford finally relented.

 

Stan grinned and took off his shoes. “Watch me catch this thing, Sixer.”

 

Slowly, he climbed down the rocky riverbank. It was slippery, but Stan was used with this. There was a cliff facing the sea back home and Stan loved to climb down it when the tide was low and he would catch crabs and starfishes on the shore below. Although turned out that the rock slippery from moss was quite different from rock slippery with algae and he didn't quite know which one he hated more.

 

He managed to reach the bottom with a bit improvisation--okay, that meant holding to tree roots, though he had to be careful not to put his weight or else they broke. The creek would be quite deep if the bank was filled to the brim, but thankfully it was shallow today. There was a dam probably made by the beavunnies from twigs and mud. Stan decided that it was the best place to start.

 

In that instance, the beavunnies froze on their spots, their dark beady eyes followed his movement. Ooookay, that was pretty creepy, since those little creepers had such creepy eyes. Stan crept slowly to the nearest beavunny. It twitched its nose, swiveled its ears, then thumped its tail.

 

Trying to intimidate him maybe? Well, that wasn’t gonna fly, buddy.

 

Stan lunged at the creature and it hissed--it straight up hissed at him like some kind of vicious rattlesnake--before scampering away. That was apparently the cue for other beavunnies to scram like bats fresh outta heck. No, no, no, no! He scrambled to his feet and chased after those  creatures.

 

“Stan, be careful! You're gonna hurt yourself!” Stan heard Ford called out.

 

“M’okay!” he yelled back, spitting water after he fell into the shallow water. Those creatures were fast! But he wasn’t a Stanley Pines if he gave up this soon. Pines men were tougher than anything else.

 

But before he could recover, there was a boom and the ground shook.

 

“What the--” Stan murmured. The last of those beavunnies had gone hiding and Stan scrambled to climb the riverbank, reaching for his twin.

 

“It came from there!” Ford pointed at a direction ahead of them, but they couldn't see anything. The trees were too dense to see what was ahead except for more trees. “C'mon, let's see what it is.”

 

“Shouldn’t we go _away_ from a loud boom instead of _toward_ it?!” Stan called his twin, but followed him anyway, still struggling with putting on his shoes. “Ford, wait up!”

 

They crossed the log bridge and went off the forest path completely, trudging through the bushes and overgrown brambles. The ground sloped up to a hill and they both slipped several times. Stan's shirt got caught in thorny bushes, but Ford kept on going, so he kept going too.

 

That was when he saw it.

 

In a clearing ahead, was a gigantic, metallic robot. It probably used to be copper colored, but the paint was scraped and peeled in several places, rust and mosses clinging to its body like second skin. It looked humanoid, with two arms and two legs and a spherical head, which turned a one-eighty at the sounds of the twins’ arrival. Stan's eyes bulged. It had ten eyes--ten eye sockets where eyes should be, and they all glowed embers. Smoke curled out of its gaping maw.

 

Then, it slowly rose.

 

It stood towering above the twins, almost as tall as the gigantic pine trees surrounding the small clearing. Its feet were the size of that expensive kiddy pool Carla McCorkle owned back in their second grade that Stan destroyed when her sister made annoying remarks about Ford's fingers. Those feet made the ground tremble as it lumbered forward.

 

“Stanford…” Stan slowly, veeeeery slowly, backed away--but Ford was still unmoving. Either from shock or wonderment, his twin seemed like he couldn’t hear Stan. “Ford, RUN!”

 

That seemed to snap Ford out of his stupor and his twin broke into a run, Stan following behind him. He didn’t need to look back to know that the rusty giant was following them or not, the thundering noise of its footsteps was enough tell.

 

“Why is there a giant robot in the forest? _Why is it chasing us!_ ” Ford’s voice was almost a shrill.

 

“Don't know, don't care!” Stan yelled back. When he looked back, it was right when it thrusted its arm forward. Stan grabbed Ford's hand and pulled him leftside.

 

“What are you doing?! This is not the way back to the Shack!” Ford cried out.

 

“Are you crazy?! If that thing chases us back to the Shack, it'll destroy it like cardboard house!” Stan replied. “Duck!”

 

They threw themselves forward just as a massive hand clawed the air where they were just seconds ago.

 

“Move, move!” Stan shoved Ford to stand and began running again. The robot seemed to need time to recover, old machinery joints creaking as it pulled its hand back, and it gave them some distance before it chased them again.

 

They jumped over a small stream when there was a loud, cracking noise from behind them. Stan looked back and saw the gigantic thing was ripping a tree from the ground, roots and all, and flung it at their direction.

 

“Watch out!” Stan warned Ford as a pine tree, the whole twenty feet of it, was falling over their head. He pushed his twin with his weight out of the harm way…

 

… and into a ravine.

 

They tumbled and rolled on the sloping hill and landed in with a muffled thump. The robot thundered past, breathing smoke as it stomped between the pine trees but not stopping to check the ravine. They both let out breath they were holding.

 

“I wonder who that woman is and why did she made that robot. More importantly, _why the freaking heck is she attacking us?!_ ” Ford asked, sitting upright.

 

“Sixer, I'm also curious but let's find that out when I'm like, not feeling like I broke every bones in my body”, Stan replied with a groan. He was still lying on his back on the ground. His everything was screaming pain and bloody murder at him for inflicting this to himself.

 

Then, Ford’s question clicked into his brain. “Wait, what woman?”

 

“There’s a cockpit on that robot’s chest, you dummy-dum. I saw an old lady driving that thing. Did you not see?” Ford was giving him the Ultimate Ford Eyeroll.

 

“Uh, nope. I guess I had more important thing in mind, y’know, with trying _not_ to get us flattened like Ma’s latkes?” Stan couldn’t help but snark back. He got a pebble on the forehead for his trouble.

 

At least Ford waited until Stan felt good enough to walk. Maybe his twin felt like every bones in his body broke too, Stan didn’t know. It felt like hours later until they were on the move again, but maybe it was only half an hour, who knew.

 

It was easy to find the clearing again. The path of destruction consisted of broken trees, trampled brambles, crushed rocks, and massive footprints that would be small pools if it rained. The robot hadn’t been back yet from wherever it was wreaking havoc, and that gave them a chance to notice something in the clearing that they didn’t notice before.

 

There was a small hut. Its wooden walls were rotten and broke in several places, but it still looked sturdy enough to withstand the weather. An iron chimney and a weathervane were stuck at odd angles on the roof, the weathervane creaking sadly. There were a ratty looking sofa on the porch with quilted fabric and a knitted rug that looked older than life itself. Odd knick-knacks that whirred and clicked were all around the hut. The place looked like the world's most amazing junkyard.

 

When they felt rather than heard of the robot's return, Stan quickly pulled Ford to duck behind the couch. Just like what Ford said, there was a grate on its massive chest and Stan could vaguely see a moving shadow in there but not enough to make if it was a woman or not.

 

The robot then crouched down and the grate opened with loud clang. A really old lady climbed down the robot and landed on her twiggy legs, looking too spry despite her age. Her dark hair was tied in messy bun and she wore glasses so wide it made her face looking wider than it actually was. She spoke something gibberish, maybe another language? Was that Japanese? Korean?

 

Next to him, Ford’s knee hit the wooden floor. The woman tensed up, her eyes searching the area.

 

“Who’s there? Show yourself! I have a giant robot”, the woman said.

 

Stan shared a look with Ford, his twin's eyes were wide and terrified. Stan clenched his jaw. The look in Ford's face shifted into something like ‘ _don't you dare_ ’.

 

But Stan had a guess that this would work. Even if it didn't, he would give his twin an opening to rescue himself and that was all that mattered. He straightened up from behind the couch and waved. He didn’t trust himself to walk yet, his legs still shook so bad it felt like they were made from Jell-O.

 

“H-hello!” he greeted the old lady with forced cheer. “N-nice house you have here!”

 

The old lady's face didn't change.

 

“Uh, n-nice robot?”

 

The old lady was still glaring at him. _Quick!_ Stan thought desperately. _Think something!_

 

“I have… I have…” he frantically searched his pockets and inside his sweater and found something. Oh, this might work. _Please work, please work._ “... a half eaten bag of gummy koalas?”

 

The old lady's face changed then, a wide smile spread on her wrinkly face.

 

“Well, why didn’t you say so earlier? I wouldn't’ve chased you and your friend for half a mile for some cup of tea”, she said.

 

“Uhh… he's my twin actually”, Stan pulled Ford from behind the couch. His twin protested weakly but he stood next to Stan. They had their hands linked, Ford’s six fingers in his own five.

 

The old lady took off her glasses and wiped it with her greasy shawl, before putting them on again and squinting at the twins. “Huh, indeed”, she muttered. “Well, come in, come in. I'm sorry if it's such a mess, I am in the middle of redecorating.”

 

She ushered them into the hut. Inside, it looked even more amazing. Clockworks and crazy contraptions covered every surface that weren't covered by doilies. A cuckoo clock cuckooed nonstop on one wall. Every window was covered with planks and tattered curtains. Strange symbols like eye crossed with red X were drawn on the curtains.

 

She had them seated on a quilt covered couch that creaked loudly when they sat down, before fiddling with a piece of machinery on the low coffee table. It sprang into life and poured three cups of tea in exact same measurement and three sugar cubes into the cup. Stan stared at it, dumbstruck.

 

“Wait, you chased us because you wanted to have some tea with us?” Ford seemed to have found his voice back.

 

“Why, yes of course”, the old lady smiled. “When you are old like me, you would do anything to spend times with other people, especially your family. But I have no family to call myself, so I invited people who are lost in the woods for some tea. They all always run screaming, though. I don’t know why.”

 

“Heh, yeah. I wonder why”, Stan rubbed the back of his head, shifting awkwardly on his seat.

 

“You're not a witch or anything, right?” Ford asked again, his twin's eyes squinting in suspicion.

 

“I know some people call me that, but nope! Most of them call me Crazy Chiu”, she smiled again and Stan noticed that she had lost most of her teeth. “You're not drinking your teas!”

 

Stan and Ford jolted at her sudden aggression and hurried to pick up their cups. Stan knew better than to drink something offered by a stranger and he hoped Ford was genius enough to think the same. He made fake slurping noise before putting the cup down.

 

“The tea tastes nice! What is it?” Stan faked a cheer.

 

“Why, aren't you a little charmer. It's just some crushed leaves I found in the woods. An owl told me the tea will taste good when you filter the water with a sock! Don’t worry, I washed the sock clean first.”

 

Next to him, Ford gagged and spat the tea back into the cup.

 

“Uhh, ehh… I think we're best going”, Ford's voice shook, his cup clattered when he placed it on the table.

 

“Yeah! Our gr-I mean, m-mom will be wondering why are we going so long”, Stan stuttered, pulling his twin to the nearly collapsed doorway.

 

“Wait!” Crazy Chiu, that old lady, stopped them. They both froze and Stan instinctively placed himself in front of his twin, but she smiled serenely as if she didn’t try to make two twelve year old kids pee in their pants just seconds ago. “You didn't give me the gummy koalas!”

 

“O-oh, yeah! Haha, silly me. Here you go”, Stan placed the crumpled bag of gummy koalas on the floor. “We really need togonownicetomeetyouhaveanicedaybye!”

 

They were out of the hut within seconds and into the woods. Once they crossed the log bridge, they stopped running and walked at slower pace.

 

“That was crazy…” Ford gasped, still trying to catch his breath.

 

“You tell me”, Stan was huffing and puffing himself.

 

“I still think she's a witch. Once we get back to the Shack, I'm gonna look up for protection against witches”, Ford insisted.

 

“Whatever you say, Bro-bro”, Stan shrugged, wincing slightly when pain shot up his shoulder. God, he really hoped that nothing did break.

 

“Ugh, I forgot that we still need to sneak back into the Shack in case Grunkle Dipper still wants us to make counterfeit money…”

 

“Maybe…” Stan started slowly. That old lady's ramblings mostly didn't make any sense, but one sentence did struck him. “Maybe Grunkle Dipper just wanted to spend time with us, but he didn’t know what kind of stuff kids normally like…? Like, Ma and Zaidie did say he's been living by himself for so long. What's to say that he's not as crazy as Crazy Chiu back there?”

 

“He did say ‘bonding time’…” Ford rubbed the back of his head. “But I still refuse doing anything against the law!”

 

“Don't worry, Sixer. I think I have an idea…”

 

Half an hour later, the twins saw the Shack standing between the pine trees. When they walked closer, Stan saw their grunkle sitting on the sofa at the back porch, looking the grumpiest he'd ever seen the old man. If this was cartoon, there would be thunderclouds hanging over their grunkle’s head. Stan nodded at Ford, who slipped into the Shack, before sitting next to their grunkle.

 

“Soooo, how's the counterfeit money making going?” Stan asked, almost sheepish.

 

“ _Oy_ , save your sympathy”, their grunkle harrumphed. “I had a great time! Talkin’ to George Washington, Abraham Lincoln, Alexander Hamilton… Ben Franklin…”

 

“Why are you making counterfeit one dollar bill and five dollar bill…?” Stan didn’t understand. If he was to make counterfeit money, he'd be making fifty dollar bill and above.

 

“You try spending one hundred bucks in cash anywhere in this town that's not Gleeful’s Used Car and see if these people are not losing their minds”, Grunkle Dipper grouched, but there was a small upward curve on the corners of his lips.

 

“So, I guess you're too busy being a master criminal to play catch with me and Ford…?” Stan asked.

 

As if on cue, Ford walked out of the Shack, a baseball in one hand and a glove in the other. “I found ‘em in our room! Are we gonna do it or not?”

 

Dipper glared suspiciously at Stan, then at Ford, then back at Stan. Stan put on his most heart-meltingly hopeful smile that would give him more candies in Halloween. Next to him, Ford followed suit.

 

“You kids have played catch before?” Grunkle Dipper asked back, taking the baseball from Ford's hand.

 

“Nope!” the twins replied almost at the same time. At least that was the truth--their Pa never had time to play with either one of them. Ford continued. “But I've read about it before. What, like it's hard?”

 

“Then you kids are in for a surprise!” Grunkle Dipper’s grin widened. Stan and Ford grinned to each other. Their plan was a success!

 

“Five bucks says you can't throw with your eyes closed!” Ford challenged.

 

“You're on!” their grunkle roared with laughter.

 

“Five more bucks says you can't throw with your eyes closed and while singing Star Spangled Banner at the top of your lungs!” Stan added.

 

And that was how the three of them were playing catch in the backyard of the Shack as the sun slowly slid westward. They started with Stan versus Dipper, then Dipper versus Ford, and Stan ended up teaching his twin how to throw because “seriously, Sixer, that was so lame”--which ended with Ford getting so angry and throwing the ball so hard it hit the big S in Mystery Shack sign. It fell from where it was hanging seconds ago (their grunkle just yelled “Score!” with wide grin on his face--he didn’t even scold them or anything).

 

At one point, the game somehow turned into an all out Pinecone War where Dipper and Ford made an alliance to rain pinecones at Stanley because he wouldn’t stop pelting pinecones at both of them (in his defense, he was bored and Ford was such a sore loser).

 

Maybe it wasn’t the activity they had in mind for Pines Family Bonding Time. Maybe it wasn't as cool as monster hunting or fighting a giant robot or even breaking the law. Maybe in the end it was nobody's fault their day turned this way.

  
They had fun.


End file.
